It has been awhile since I last posted, on anything. Life is alright, feels like everything is going just the way I like it. School year has started, and I took the leap of faith into the fire, now I am swamped with work. Always busy I am, and the funny thing is that; all I do is school work. Seven days a week, writing, read, studying, it is almost hopeless, in the face of all that has occured in the past few months I have reached an epithany today. Life is always underated, why bitch? Just be happy with what you have, and strive for what you want, what you need is always around, just got to look around.

I have too much on my plate at the moment, running multiple clubs and events every week, but I am enjoying it. Stress seems to bring the best out of people, and in my case it is working beautifully. Yes, I am stress right now; yes, I am procrastinating. I'll get back to work, goodbye, social life.

I given up on lj, and i started a blog, www.SmartOnion.net
hope to see you there

Heh, so what can I say? I don't know what I can say, I can't even be angry from what happened; instead I am sorry for her, and now I have no clue how I am going to take this. I can't stop thinking about this, and I can't stop thinking how will I be infront of her anymore. She isn't expecting anything of me, from what I figure; infact she likes me a lot to be doing what she is doing to me, even if it is wrong. Why did she hide it till now, why did she get me hired...how will she choose?

I am finally starting to understand her life, and why she has been unhappy everyday. If I had to make a choice like that I would be lost, and now her concerns are flooding into my life, although they aren't tied in to my life or situation, I still feel compelled to be sorry for her and thinking about her problems; poor girl.

It makes no sense, but there is no other way to say this and express what I feel without disclosing her private life.

Heh now that I got my g2 and can drive, I can't wait for my insurence to come in! The car is just parked outside and i am tempted to jump in it and take it to work! Lately i've been a good lil boy helping my parents with the garden, and my grandma with her vegitable garden. The little amount of free time is spent reading, and that is going well, but at the rate i am reading, book will cost alot for the summer, maybe i'll just goto the library once my insurence comes in (soo lazy).

This thing with nicole? I duno I don't want to bring it up a notch, nor do i really want to just leave her out in the cold. This messed up relationship prolly ain't going no where for awhile. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't, but persoanlly I have better things to do then flirt around with her. On a happy note, my bank account is like filled with cash, summed more then what ever amount i had before since i created it. This is made possible with literally no spending, except for 2-3 bucks a day for food during work, and maybe one or two articles a week. At this rate i'll be rich by the end of the summer, and its all gona be gone for gas money, hurrah ehh?

Hanged out with dj, amir, jin and raz last nite, and that expresso at 9 pm really killed me, i was literally jumping of the walls, perhaphs caffine works like alcohol, and the faster you drink it the more effect it has. I just drank the whole thing in one gulp once i got it, damn things are soo fucking small (Waste of money). Today I need to take DJ out job hunting, so she can be productive as well *Yay*, now if you'll excuse me i gota goto work i think, and get trained on sandwiches

Oh the excitement~!!!!!!1111oneoneonetwo

~Sunneh(stupid over played song stuck in my head, can't stop playing it)

wow like, wierd things are happening. Stuff like Msg's and Phone calls from my Ex, to things like happy smiles and good days from Nicole.

But my DDR pads are finished!

Ventilation....... Don't read if you think i am a nice guy.

Sometimes people can just be soo difficult, the barrier of language, the mental walls constructed from fear and pain, to the illusions spawned from misunderstanding. Sometimes I wish that it can all just go away, why can't it be simple anymore. Complexity of a problem always spews more problems one after another, and right now I just don't want to take this shit anymore. I take in all these emotions and problems, and this is what I get. Sometimes I just hate people, and I really just don't understand why must some of them be so wrong, can't they just look up once, and see what they look like?

Seriously, some people can say all this stuff to me, and just leave me in the dark. This frustration is inexplainable, it must be mounting onto me, because I shouldn't have any thing to worry about right now....its all about these minor details that makes me go nuts. I really want to vent, yet there is no real way to explain why I hate certain people.

There is always some one I hate, is this my nature? I just hate these people because I can see through them, their lies, their hidden faults, their true face, and how they treat me differently. Assholes, how much I want to hurt some people, yet does this mean that this hatred of mine is also a second face, and that I am really a hypocrit? Actually I am pretty mean in real life aswell, if I hate you that is.

This is how I am relating to this song right now.


That felt better... but man some people really piss me off for being how they are, most of the time I am judgmental enough to just cross them off in my life and never see them again, but sometimes I miss a few like today. Chaos, and hate filled me up to the brim, and from a good day, it died off.

Guess I should move onto better topics, Nicole tried to set up a date I guess with me, but I missed the phone call, talk about a sudden change in fate. I talked with her one lunch about stuff, and some how we talked about how she has the will to stop smoking, and her problems in her life, this eventually led to today, she only smoked to cigs in the last 3 days, compared to her 2-3 smokes per day i tihnk she is doing very good. It is cute how people will do things for you, and how appreciative you can be about it, especially since she wasn't considering about dropping smoking till we had a talk before about wether or not I can date a girl who smokes. A relationship is dependent on the emotions built between the lovers, and the sacrifices, you can't be picky about things like this and sacrifices must be made if you want to be open. Although lots of people won't date a smoker no matter what, I can understand why, but still the smoking/non smoking thing is a personal sacrifice I wouldn't mind making.

She is really wierd, and messed up, and I really don't care wether or not anything happens anymore, if it happens, then it happens, I feel that I have something more important to spend my time on right now, and lately I've been pretty busy with just the house work. Right afterwork today I managed to have dinner with my family briefly before mowing the lawn and doing the laundry. Aside from baby sitting my sibblings before work, I am also mopping the floors and doing the dishes now. I feel productive and happy, but I can also feel my body slowly melt away. I need a break, but I am not going to take any, because I have the option, and for once I feel like it is going my way for once.

Programming in my free time, scripting for an RO server, building ddr pads, having weekly sessions with Clarence and his friends, work, Nicole, house work, G2 test, and Enjoying time with friends. I really do have no time to rest, infact I think I am only sleeping 5-6 hours a day now cause I just lay in bed thinking about things for few hours before I get up, soo much thinking I need to do. This LJ entry helped me think through certain things a bit, and help me vent my frustration I wonder if Nicole wants to do anything on Sunday, I should ask her tomorrow.

Oh and I burnt myself with a sodering iron like few days ago... fun!

I wrote something, but then I trashed it because it might of been offensive to some people, and now I have nothing to write.

Nothing else to share -_-

It feels good right here *pats his wallet* :P

I've been getting lots of extra hours this week, mainly because I am 18 and they need to pay me 7.15 anyways. While Troy and Nicole are under 18, they don't have a min wage of 7.15 if they don't work a certain amount of hours :P poor kids. Lots of people been asking me why do I work at Wendy's when I can be working somewere else for a higher pay, that is simple becuase, I ain't looking for money, and Wendy was able to hire me without me going job searching which is always a plus.

Reading is a chore, well atleast that is what it feels like right now, then again I finished 2 books this week alone, perhaphs i should slow down -_- my back is killing me from curling up with a book for few hours a night. All this work and stuff to do is ruining my body, I was sooo weak after work yesterday I collapsed in bed becuase my legs were wobbly, ah well it still feels good to be productive, it better not rain today....I hate biking in the rain. Then again on rainy days, there are a hell lot less customers. Not to mention I need some time after work to do some gardening and to pray that my legs don't fall off.

No work on the DDR pad so far because I've been too busy and the weather has been pretty bad so far but I should be finishing it up with clarence this weekend.

sigh Gota goto work -_-

-Sunny

Usually I have lots of things to say the comes from witty thinking, and ample of time on my account. But since I have been lacking time recently I have yet to come up with something interresting to talk about aside from my daily adventures with Nicole! That and my other projects going on.

Gah the Pad is going soo well I duno what to say, I just want to play DDR right now! Nothing else! Well ya other stuff too, but it makes me not wana build it and just run to the enarest arcade machine right now, the anticipation of this pad is sooo kewl! Right now we are just loading foam onto the arrows so they pop back up after stepping on it... Sigh sooo kewl.

Server maintanence for eRO is pretty kewl, my and clarence working on this as well, so far I finish one of the parts that was necessary, time to add on the work load.... just needto spawn some plants for the maps now (no one will understand me), afterwards instead of working on this server I'll be making a website I think, I ain't sure as of yet, but I need more stuff to do.

Work has been really fun..odd ehh? I actually really enjoy my work, wether or not I am busy like the munchkins or bored as (something), I feel good about myself. Nicole is like the icing on the cake, I really enjoy talking to her about stuff, usually her rants and her complaints. She is really fricken depressing, but ha! that isn't going to stop me! BUT! She isn't a natural red head! Infact shes a blondie! Atleast she isn't as gulliable or as stupid as a blondie. Man the flirting today really jump up a few notches, she was leaning on my shoulder and stuff out of the blue right infront of employies....who just smiled at me :P Makes me wonder why... She is sincerely cute, and attractive when she isn't complaining, and I think that is what attracts me to her.

Oh ya I didn't post nothing about the weekend becuase everyone already wrote about it, but 'My Sassy Girl' is a good movie!

Control, the one thing that I want in this coming relationship, yet near impossible to get with Nicole. She is seriously breaking me into pieces, always trying to sound like she doesn't want a relationship, yet she always comes to me and flirts with me. Nothing hits me harder then the confusion going through my head today. I really have no clue where it is going anymore, infact she made comments about my walk home with Amanda yesterday aswell... and throughout the whole day she drove it into my head that she was dissapointed in me and making comments about who I really liked. Silly Girl as if I don't make it obvious enough, just call me for once, and I'll set it all clear.

This is only making my head hurt, can't you just settle down? And listen for once? I am not here to make your life difficult.

Nicole was so happy going over the new schedual with me, looking at the times when we both go off at the same time, she even asked me if I had anything planned for the weekend, unfortunatly I have lots planned...

Sigh, things got better after my extended shifts, obligatory comments, and release from work. Got home and ate before going over to Clarences house to build the DDR pads, so far we have obtained pretty much everything that we need inorder to make the pads. We just need to work....

She hugged me out of the blue today from behind, and caught me off guard.... I wonder if she does this to all the guys.

GAH seriously, who would walk over to my grill station and flip burgers with me! Can't she just call me? -_-;

No clue what I need to write about, as I don't really want to explain my daily events. Sharing them everyday seem to reduce the values of feelings and experiance that I feel from these events, in a way I guess I feel more at home explaining in person or on the phone then just write everything about me on this thing. Yet again I don't have anything else to share here really, perhaphs it is about them that I change my style, or atleast the subject of my writting to reflect something else besides my daily events.I don't have religion or faith to turn to, becuase I turned away from it myself, although lots have been going on I guess i'll just summerize my events in form of a list and talk about something more substantial and more relateable.

Then again, making a redundent list feels more like a chore than anything else. Its not like I treat this journal as a chore, it should also be somewhere to let go and say what I wish. It is times like this that I need guidance.....for the most ridiculus things eh? Perhaphs I am just frustrated over something silly.

Like how I walked Amanda home today from work, man, IT WAS A HUGE FRICKEN MISTAKE. All I can see now is how Nicole is gona think I ditched her.... sigh, she is oo pesmistic, if she'd only call me instead of wellowing in her self pity, I can make her happy, yet she isn't willing to gime a try yet, silly girl. That is what friends and relationships are for. The more I know a person, the more I can understand them, yet it also leaves me with lots of questions that I dare not to ask, for the sake of the friendship developed. I feel bad for her, I was once as pesmistic as her, and it all changed, and now when I compare myself to the people working their and their lifestyle, wow.

I want to help them, yet I can't, not becuase I am physically unable to, but because they won't emotionally accept me. Perhaphs it is easier just to ask her out for a coffee instead of waiting for her, the more I see her like this, the more pitty I feel for her inside.

I got to thank my friends, family, and society for my spoiled life, now that I see what other people face.

Soo much hate, and the level of trust! It scares me, because I can only imagine what her past must of been like. Amanda is that of the same like Nicole, but most likely worst off... Sigh what a day. Atleast I was able to enjoy my dipped cone from DQ, man that was fricken good.

Aside from all that I spent the rest of the day finishing my novel and starting with the DDR pads, tomorrow and the week end is all about the DDR pad ehhh.

Nervous Romance belief, or the porcupine effect: As two people get closer together, they will end up hurting each other.

-Sunny

Another Exciting Day!

Wow, I am lost for words, at this rate my summer wil be awesome, today I sat around after work doing nothing :O Got to work and did my 11 - 2 pm shift, at which point Amir and Razvan came by to visit! Haha Amir brought me lunch, so I baught him a Spicy Chicken Fillet Combo, and Nicole even knows my usual now :P Spicy chicken, no biggie, Barqs. Haha she even mocked Razvan about taking it out although he ate at the restuarunt with me. Apon leaving I had a lil talk with Nicole, which ended up with the confusion solved, her blushing, and me walking off to catch up with Amir and Razvan.

Anyone wana guess what I said? Don't say anything like ' I love you' it has something todo with the confusion from my last entry.

Anyways, Eventually we arrived at amirs house, before going to my house. We did nothing, and it was great, just sat around doing nothing. Eventually they left for the park to play soccer while I mowed the lawn and had dinner. When they got back, I used my godly cook skills and set the over to 420 degrees celcious, and cooked a pizza! After some eating nad more chitchat we broke up our little gathering, which Jaco attended (forgot to mention). It was really kewl and enjoyable.

Now I am just sitting here thinking about nothing, cause I am really tired.
1.DTSM May 31rst, G2 Test June 7
2.Opening for Wendy's now
3.Secret Appointments
4.ChitChat with Nicole

I need more materialistic food in my stomach than this pizza.....

I am soo tired and its only 11:30.... man too much resting is making me weak. Lots of fun and busystuff today, just like every other day of my summer. Today started with work, which I will explain in detail after. BUT, after work I went over to Amir's and hung out with them till Amir had to leave for his LSAT course, oh well, it was nice meeting the guy, and now he is going to visit me tomorrow at work too ehhh? But anyways, Me, Jaco, Jin, and Daryl left to drop off stuff at my hosue before meeting with DJ to go play pool, where I proceeded to get owned, as usual. Challenged Jaco to a game of Initial D where we both lose to the timers -_- stupid game! Atleast I managed to get a card! Played a small game of foosball before going off to eat.

Walk, Walk, Walk, we walked to little ceaser to get dinner which didn't really fill us up, but who really cares. Got to Dj's house where we just played games for awhile, HAHA, Darly got owned. Although it didn't sound very exciting or eventful, I was throughly impressed with what an enjoyable experiance it was. Now I am wreaked, and tired -_-

About work today, apparently Nicole over heard me and Jin chatting yesterday!!!!! omg, she took the pieces of what she heard and asked if it was true.

She thought that I said "Shes not good enough for me", which is seriously not true, infact its kind of ridiculus to even think of that since, we chatted before I asked for her number that day.I said that it wasn't true, and that you are good enough for me. Sigh what kind of predictament am I getting myself into? Then she goes onto saying how she lost my number yesterday when her mother washed her work clothes with the slip of paper with my number on it.

excuse?

But she asked for it again, and so I re wrote it on my interact slip, becuase I always buy from her during my break :P, she always lightens up when I say for here. She commented on my ability to pick up girls, which caused me to give a blank stare, before laughing. But I should really focus more on my work than anything else at the moment, I wouldn't want to lose ,y job you know.

All this stuff is going on and I am too lazy to write it down, DTSM, Secret Social Gathering, Summer project, Server Administration and Getting sometime to enjoy a relationship. Oh yes, and writing in my LJ, so I can let other people know whats happeneing to me without me communicating with them, and wasting my minutes on my cell. I swear I spent atleast 30-40 mins already for this month -_-;

spent lots of money in the past two weeks, somewhere along the lines of 600 bucks -_-, which is an exceptional amount of moeny for Sunny becuase he doesn't spend money recklessly like this usually. I mean come on, who spends 63 bucks at Canadian Tire? New shoes, DTSM stuff Gah, Spent 20 bucks just for today too, I need more workless play. On a side note Daryl will be able to provide me with cardboard which will make my DDr pad cheaper than ever! Whoo hoooo!

Results are in what is there left to ponder? - zoolander

63 bucks.... I spent 63 bucks on raw material today. That is a lot of money to be putting into a summer project! But when it is complete....DAMN YA, I am building hard dance pads, with a rubber matting (23bucks). Hopefully I'll get it done by the end of May, because I wana dance on my DDr pads again. Till then my parents are getting me two more pads in two weeks when they go by Toronto for camping. Yucky camping, I hate it, thank god I ain't going, this also means the house to myself for like 4 days ^^; two of them being holidays!

Cheryl is sooo kewl, she and amir = my advice givers, they knocked some sense into me. For that I am grateful, and I must thank you two.

'Thank you'

Now I ain't stuck in that little mental vice thats been driving me nutts, perpaphs is time I get reorientated again, and just do what I need to do.

1.get a job (done)
2.get g2
3.hang out with friends (work in progress)
4.make DDR pad(in progress)
5.get a girl?(in progress)

So far everything is going well, I am always trying to do one of these things at all times. The job was easy, becuase nicole managed to talk cathy into hiring me on the spot, and Rick the manager just loves me. As for my g2? I am getting it all setted up this month! Gona get it in two week or so hopefully. Being with friends is kewl, I been hanging out with lots of people I know just after work and stuff, infact I've been busy eachday because of it. Ahhh yes, me and clarence are doing a little summer project consisting of making hardfloor ddr pads, as I have mention up above, and here is the guide.

Sigh Nicole :P, what is there to say? Not much aside from the fact that I have the biggest urge to just call her, although I don't know her number! Cheryl is right though, I am rushing things, I don't know enough about her, I need to communicate with her more. Yet this feeling of being liked is immense, I feel different already. Maybe it'll turn out good this time, after hearing Dj talk about her future husband, I wouldn't mid getting a wife early (as in like mid 20's to late 20's). Then again now I am just thinking too farahead, yet it is something pleasent to think about.

I need a Spicy Chicken Combo.

New layout, hope you people like it. I sure do! Comments Appreciated.

Feeling sad yet contempt.
Feeling appreciated yet uncertain

Ahhh, I know some of you want to know about the Nicole thing going on, but now I just feel stupid posting stuff like that online, if you want to know just ask me, I don't mind. She makes me feel different, I have no idea how to explain it, it is different from all the other times, and I feel that she might be what will make my summer complete.

Aside from my love life,

Hung out with Amir and Armin today, and went shopping and got me some new shoes; skater shoes, i know, but they are just soo comfy, and it was relatively cheep compared to a pair of K swiss or something. Went around looking, thinking of buying some eddie bower jeans since they are on sale at 35 bucks a pair! In all it was a good day, no work today, lots of thinking done, my summer is ready, and for once I can proudly say, I am productive this summer.



Sigh, from my thinkings of today, I have concluded that although I deemed the single life a great life for the last few years, with agreements from my friends, I must also say that the single life, can't last forever, and that I am going to break the streak to my single life, hopefully, sigh here I go talking about her again, she has a vice like grip around my head already.

Can't love if you fear getting hurt ehh?

I really do miss having some one to talk to all the time, who understands and cares for me, where I can express the same feeligns back.

Feeling like a hypocrite for my actions, yet I have no regets from performing these actions.

I need more time to think, but I think I'll ask her out, becuase only when I think of that, do I feel at ease..

Shes growing on me, I can tell, she looks better each time I see her. Two nights ago, I was thinking about this stuff, and thought that she only had a purty face, but yesterday when I saw her -_- damn its just a some what baggy wendy clothing. The more I see her the more I think aobut her -_- this things is getting out of hand, and I don't know what to do aside from just asking her out, nothing else left at my disposal.

I even woke up thinking about her ... sigh still its better then that dream about paulynn. Anyways during work yesterday, Jin's lil bro came by with his mother at wendy's when I got off work, and I chat with them ate lunch with them. Jin's bro wanted to work at wendy's so I helped him get started at that stuff, and since Nicole was at the counter I was like psst nicole where are the application forums. After I helped him fill it all and stuff Nicole managed to pass a message from jin's lil bro to me. Just a bit flirty? So I went up to her talked a bit said bye, and srry for having an earlier shift :P She was pretty dissapointed that I was leaving early.

Oh well

Got a ride to Earl of March from Jin's Mom, ran into DJ, met up with Clarence, played a bit of frisbee. Then we eventually got to my house, played some games, watched some movies, did absoluetly nothing like every otherday. Ahh welll good times good times.

Sigh, what to do...

it has to Start somewhere, it has to start sometime, what better place then here, what better place then now.

old songs old memories for new things.

she smokes, and shes a high school drop out! But some how she is different, she a good person, and for some reason I can't bring those two points to judge her. Shes cute, and has a great personality, and if the latter turns out to be really true, then I won't mind those other two things, atleast she is working. See how it goes, gona ask her to coffeeor something nad just chat with her if I can today, see how it goes.

"So Sunny, what time are you off?"

"4:30, and you?"

"Same."

I Should of said something, but i'll try to fill that awkward silence today! Maybe i'll find some really big significant flaw in her that will turn me off, but so far, she is really kewl, 2 years under me :P but I guess you can't have everything, atleast she isn't a gay guy hitting on me -_-;

Ohwell I wasn't able to do anything with her after that silence, so instead I hung out with Amir, Dj, and Jaco, which I am sure was a better choice anyways, soo much to catch up on ehhH? Haha Philly won, and just walking around is kewl.

"..."